Tantrum: (noun) a fit of bad temper. Also called regionally hissy, hissy fit. That almost makes it sound tolerable, doesn't it? Tantrums should actually be defined as this: tantrum (noun and verb) expect any and or all of the following behavior: screaming, scratching, hitting, biting, crying, flailing, banging head against floor, crumpling onto the floor, becoming dead weight, throwing food, kicking, smacking, rolling around on ground, refusing to move, yelling "No!", etc., etc., etc. Did I forget something? I'm sure I did because toddlers are crazy. Yes, CRAZY. And each one is so different, yet they're all similar - who else can go from a sweet and cute little angel to a head spinning psycho in two seconds. TWO SECONDS. And, this happens without warning or even provoking. "Look sweetheart, a birdie!" "NOOO!! I NO LIKE BIRDIES...(crumples to ground and punches the earth).
"Are you thirsty? Would you like some milk?" "NOO!! YOU DRINK MILK! (scream.. bang head against back of highchair). "Okay, time for a bath and bed." "NOO!! I DON'T WANT TO! NO TUBBY! NO! I WANT TO WATCH DOC MCSTUFFINS! NO MAMA!!!!(scratch, kick, scratch, kick)" Other days it is the suggestion to wear pants when its zero degrees out. Wait. What? Pants!? How dare I?! PANTS! I must be the next Hitler.. forcing all small children to wear pants in subzero temperatures. How could I suggest PANTS in the winter?! "NOOOOO MAMAA!! I WEAR A SKIRT AND CROCS!" Great, now her school will probably call social services on me. At least she had on tights.
So yes, if you're a parent you've most likely experienced the whirlwind that is a tantrum. You've seen your perfect little baby flip out over nothing. You've witnessed the tears. You've heard the screaming. You've felt the scratching. If you kept your cool during this, then my hats off to you. If you manage to always keep your cool then you deserve a damn medal. A huge shiny gold star or trophy that's engraved with Most Patient Person on the the Planet. (Please know though that I may also have you checked out by the government because I won't believe you to be human.) But, if you're an imperfect human like me, you've raised your voice, attempted to reason with them, started off ignoring it but then caved and fell victim to the insanity. You've also potentially cried yourself. Maybe not in front of your kid, but quite possibly after. And did you think you were the worst mother ever? Did you feel guilty because you raised your voice? Did you feel a failure because your child doesn't listen to you and instead attempted to scratch your eyeballs out? Don't worry, you didn't birth a sociopath (even if it feels like it), you just have yourself a toddler. A crazy, moody, screaming, smart and.. somehow through it all.. adorable toddler. Yes, in the moment you want to fling yourself off the nearest trestle, but then they come out of their psychotic rant and say "Mama, hug?" And you (although dumbfounded) kiss them and hug them and ask them to be a good listener to you always-because you love them-and understand that they get frustrated-but they need to use their words. And they nod maybe and then ask for ice cream. And you cave because although they drive you insane, you love them more than life itself. And, although the psychotic rage drives you insane, at the end of the day - they're really cute. And that brain blocker my friends is why we keep having more. Damn those tiny cute people.
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