I was just about to start this blog off by saying that here I sit; a mom. A real, actual mom. About to share that Cora was having, for the first time, a friend sleep over. I was going to share that I can't believe that I'm at the point in my Mom-hood that kids will be sleeping over. And then, and then, my Momly-ness was challenged. The little girl started to get upset and ask if she could have the sleepover a different time. "Of course" I said and she ran upstairs, gathered her pillow and belongings and came back downstairs. I quickly explained to Cora that her friend wouldn't be sleeping over - that she wasn't ready and that she was going home (she literally lives next door).
That was it.
It was officially the end of the world in Cora's eyes.
Cora started screaming and crying. She was angry. She was hurt.
She was disappointed.
Her friend quickly escaped and I was left here to console Cora. To try to remind her of the time she wasn't ready for a sleepover at Auntie's and she herself got upset and had to come home. To tell her that it's okay to feel disappointed, but that she can't really be mad at her friend. I was here to just sit and hold her.
As a Mom, this is really what we do, right? We hold. We console. We kiss. We hug. We reassure and we love. Yes, we love with our entire beings. Because when we see our babies hurt, it hurts us. When they cry, we hold back tears. When we see their sadness, a piece of our heart starts to ache.
It's hard to explain to your children things that just don't seem fair. It's not easy to walk with them through life's disappointments. We do the best we can with what we have where we are. And the "best we can" may not always be the right thing. It may not always be the right choice or the best choice. We may reflect later and say to ourselves 'what the hell was I thinking?" but in that moment, we just were.
Life is hard. Things don't always come easy. What's that quote, anyway? Something about "Nothing worth having comes easy." I don't know that I fully believe that. I mean sometimes, I'd love for things to come easy. I'd love for the choice to be obvious, a blinking neon sign "make this choice and everything will work out perfectly!" But, that's not reality. And so, we strive. We stumble. We fall. We get back up and we do. Because, I can guarantee that although we may not always do the right thing, or always be able to solve our children's problems, I know that our choices are made with love. I know that when I'm acting like an apache helicopter (thanks, Matt) that I am that way because of the intense love I feel for my children. That I can't bear the thought of them hurt, and so that's why I hover protectively (and, honestly, I don't think I'm that bad!)
So what's my point? Well, that I'm a Mom. And that being a Mom is not clearly defined. And being a Mom isn't a breeze. And being a Mom isn't impossible. And that being a Mom means there are ups, downs and in-betweens. And that being a Mom is a job where there are thankless moments and thankless days. But, no matter what, you really wouldn't change a thing. You wouldn't erase your Mom-ness.
And so, to all the Moms out there reading this, it's okay.
It's okay to screw up.
It's okay to celebrate the small victories.
It's okay to cry.
It's okay to laugh.
Its okay to want to run away sometimes (we know you never really will).
And, its okay to sit in the struggle and just be. Just doing what you can where you are with what you have each day. Because we know what you're doing is driven by love. And so, it's all okay. It's even okay to hover like an apache helicopter sometimes. So, hover on, Mama. Kiss on. Cry on. Love on. Console on. And do you. Do the best that you can.
