So little Cora has decided at the ripe old age of 2 months & 11 days to try desperately to roll over. She tried over and over at home on the floor. She kicks her legs up and throws them and her little body onto her right side. She gets her bum up and gets onto her right arm but can't get past that pesky right arm and onto her tummy! She thrashed and let out cries and grunts. To say she was annoyed and frustrated is an understatement. I have video to show how mad she got! Sadly, she was unsuccessful at getting on her tummy yesterday, but I have a feeling it's going to happen soon.
This display of core strength and determination started yesterday morning. There we sat at Mama & Me group - me watching in awe as she got onto her left side and began to teeter onto her arm trying to roll over. She was making little grunt noises and I let her work at it for a few minutes before coming to her aide. She was unsuccessful at turning over onto her belly in class, but successful at getting attention. I heard whispers of "Oooh, look at her!" "Look at her go!" "She's almost there..come on Cora!" Is it bad that I secretly felt excited, proud, and sorta like 'yeah, I know my daughter is so advance' These feelings of pride and being a show off are hopefully normal.. unless, uh oh, I am a stage Mom in the making?...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Now I know why they make bibs...
Okay, it's been a while. Yes, in fact a long while. My goal is to "blog", write, document - whatever(!) as Cora grows up.. and just about my/our random experiences. How can I sum up the past 2 months?... well, let's just use the fact that this is my first chance blogging as explanation for how my first 2 months have been. And in case it isn't obvious enough? I'll just say: crazy. exhausting. overwhelming. wonderful. overwhelming. exhausting... yes, some words bear repeating.
Cora is officially 2 months and 10 days old. It's insane how fast time has flown... and yet, I feel like I've known her for a million years. These past 2+ months have been some of the most intense days and moments in my life. I gave birth to this amazing little human being and now I'm totally responsible for her - and it's scary and awesome and nerve-racking and insane all in one.
There's too much to re-cap from the past 2 month whirlwind... from poopy diapers, to peeing in the tubby, to nursing drama (that could be a weekly blog alone!), to cooing, smiling, laughing and more... but, I shall end on one note (before I start to *hopefully* blog more regularly). Now I know why they make bibs. In the beginning Cora didn't drool... she really just barely drooled. Now? She is a human drooling machine. I'm talking soaking through multiple bibs. Not sure what gives, but I'm glad I now have the zillions of bibs I thought I'd (foolishly!) never use.
That's all for now. Stay dry, babies! ;)
Cora is officially 2 months and 10 days old. It's insane how fast time has flown... and yet, I feel like I've known her for a million years. These past 2+ months have been some of the most intense days and moments in my life. I gave birth to this amazing little human being and now I'm totally responsible for her - and it's scary and awesome and nerve-racking and insane all in one.
There's too much to re-cap from the past 2 month whirlwind... from poopy diapers, to peeing in the tubby, to nursing drama (that could be a weekly blog alone!), to cooing, smiling, laughing and more... but, I shall end on one note (before I start to *hopefully* blog more regularly). Now I know why they make bibs. In the beginning Cora didn't drool... she really just barely drooled. Now? She is a human drooling machine. I'm talking soaking through multiple bibs. Not sure what gives, but I'm glad I now have the zillions of bibs I thought I'd (foolishly!) never use.
That's all for now. Stay dry, babies! ;)
Friday, November 18, 2011
19+ hours to paradise. a birth story.
I was scheduled to be induced on Monday, September 19th at 6:45am. I'd been upset about the scheduled induction - wondering what was wrong with me/my body, scared of a c-section due to the induction, scared I wouldn't be able to handle the pain as it usually comes on strong and fast when induced and more. I'd had my membrane stripped on Friday the 16th and hoped that would help get things going naturally. Saturday, September 17th was a regular day. My husband and I had company over and Marty (the hubbers) cooked Indian food for us all. I devoured half a bottle of salsa that afternoon and followed up a few hours later with the Indian food for dinner. I went to bed still nervous about being induced Monday morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night a few times to pee (per the usual). I wondered if I was leaking amniotic fluid, but I had already had that worry earlier in the week and it turned out to be nothing so I chalked it up to it probably being too good to be true. I was up again at about 3:45am to pee and decided this time to use one of the test paper strips that the midwife had provided me with to test if amniotic fluid was leaking. It instantly turned navy blue - bingo! I also was in pain - not the worse pain in my life (little did I know that was to come...) but still, pain. I woke up my husband and told him I was in pain, the paper turned blue and I was calling urgent care to see what they thought. The nurse told me that the on-call midwife would get back to me within 15 minutes. I wait almost 30 - no call. I phoned back explaining that I hadn't received a call and that my "contractions" (I was in denial and was calling them cramps still until my husband said "call them contractions!") were coming every 3 to 5 minutes apart. The gentleman who answered this time was surprised I hadn't received a call back yet and said they would page the midwife again. This time I decided to hop in the shower in case we were heading to the hospital. 15 minutes goes by and still no call. It'd now been 45 minutes since the initial call and I was scared as the contractions were consistent and sore. Foolishly I feared the baby would just suddenly "arrive" - maybe I'd heard one to many weird stories of people's babies just falling out into the toilet when they sat to pee. Anyway, I phoned back urgent care yet again and this time I did get a phone call back from the hospital - "Oh, I guess we had the wrong phone number." Uh, hello - I'd been freaking out for an hour and not one person thought to double check my phone number with me? Anyway, the word was head in to the emergency room and they'll check me out.
My Mother and sister had already told me that I was to call them immediately when I was heading into the hospital for labor. For the past few weeks, every time I'd call my Mom she'd answer with "Is this it??" Now I got to finally call her and say "I'm pretty sure this is it!" I called my parents house - *annoying dial sound and then "I'm sorry, the number you are trying to reach cannot be completed as dialed." WHAT? I dial (well, press "Home" on my phone) and again - "I'm sorry, the number you are trying to reach cannot be completed as dialed." But I'm not even dialing! I can't be messing this up! Okay, deep breaths.. I decided to try my sister. Her phone goes to voice mail - 4 times! She had been at a wedding the night before and now my fear was she might be a bit... tired... and not hearing her phone. Both my sister and Mother had told me to phone them when labor struck and now I couldn't get ahold of either of them. Was this some kind of cruel joke? My husband suggested I try my Mother's cell phone. I told him that she doesn't keep her cell phone near her so it'd be a waste of time. I then tried it anyway and low and behold, she answered. By this point it was after 5:00am and I told her the status so far and that I'd phone her as soon as everything was confirmed at the hospital. She shared her excitement with me and said she'd be waiting for the call. I then decided to try my sister's house phone and again, success. She informed me that her lovely husband had left her cell phone downstairs in her house and so she hadn't heard it ringing. Now everyone was informed and waiting on my confirmation calls.
We arrived at Newton-Wellesley after 5:00am and before 6:00am.. that's as good of a time as I can give you. We were taken immediately (I felt like a celeb!) and they had a bracelet on me, paperwork completed and had me walking to meet with the midwife within moments. We then sat in the exam room - well, Marty sat - I paced through the contractions - for 50 minutes. Yes, almost an hour! I was annoyed, sore, tired and wondering if this was really it. After a quick examination by the midwife it was determined that my water had, in fact, "ruptured" - their word, not mine, and that I was 5 centimeters along. So, this was it. I was going to leave the hospital with a baby. I then phoned my parents and sister and told them to head on down!
The next few (many!) hours consisted of me wearing a johnny, drinking lots of juice provided by the self-service "nourishment" center, and walking around the labor and delivery floor. Every 15 minutes the nurse checked the baby's heart rate, and things were going wonderful. I knew I couldn't sit still while in labor. Moving through the contractions actually helped me; therefore, I walked, did "knee highs", lightly marched/jogged in place, and did lunges. Yes, lunges. The nurse mentioned that lunges can help move the baby into proper place, so lunge I did. I tried the birthing ball, too. The ball was okay to sit and rock on, but the moment a contraction started I couldn't bare to sit on it - I had to get up. This continued for a long while with the midwife checking how far I'd dilated every couple hours. I was doing okay and still keeping an open mind about natural child birth. So far I had been handling the contractions and in my mind I thought, 'Hey, maybe I can do this!'
My contractions continued in their timely rhythm and suddenly one came on that made me start to whimper. My lunges didn't help, my marching in place didn't help, and I felt myself start to whimper. The next one after this resulted in a few tears. I wondered if I was getting weaker? More tired? Why now was I starting to tear up? Well, things continued in this fashion until I was crying, white as a ghost, shaking, weak, and thinking that I was going to die. Some things I were saying at this point include, but are not limited to: "I hate labor", "labor sucks" (and then apologizing for saying "sucks"), "I'm so unhappy" and statements about jumping out of the window. I also was making remarks about wanting to be able to bottle what a contraction feels like and be able to inject it into men and young girls who think it's cool to be sexually active. Anyway, around the time of these statements, and my thoughts that I would die, the midwife checked where I was at - 8 centimeters. If I'd been 10 cms I would've tried to push. Instead, I was (potentially) hours away from hitting 10 cms (for some reason I slowed down on my way to 8cms). I was in pain, I was tired, I was shaking - to the point where my family kept asking/telling me to sit down. They were honestly afraid I was going to just fall over I think. And yes, my Mom, Dad, sister and husband were all in the labor room with me. After the midwife said I was at 8cms I told her that I thought I needed the epidural. I knew they were championing for me to go natural (since I'd been doing so well) but I truly thought I was dying. The midwife asked if I'd like to try a hot shower. The thought of standing in a hot shower to only get soaking wet, then exit - cold and in pain was not something that appealed to me. I said something along the lines of that I appreciated what she was trying to do/say, but that I really needed the epidural. She said okay and called on the anesthesiologist.
While waiting for the anesthesiologist, I suffered more contractions where I kept saying "I can't do this. I can't do this!" To which the midwife and my sister responded "You can." and "But you are doing it!" Mr. Miracle Drug walked in and began sanitizing my back as I sat on the bed. I had to go through one last horrific contraction - again where I honestly thought I wouldn't survive - and then prepared myself for the "pinch" of the epidural needle. I felt an immediate zing down my right leg, was assured that that meant things were done well, and then waited for relief. I leaned back and suddenly felt a little queasy. I said to the nurses something along the lines of not feeling well and then just said "Yes, I think I might throw up right now." They handed me a basin, I used it, and then the nausea was gone. The best part came next: within 20 - 30 minutes of the epidural I was completely pain free. I still was aware I was having contractions: I could feel the sensation; however, I was not suffering. At one point I asked the nurse if I was having a contraction, she said yes, I said "Sweet" and continued to text on my phone. This was a wonderful moment.
The midwife continued to check my status and we realized things were slowing down a little, so welcome pitocin. I didn't really mind the pitocin at this point because the epidural was doing it's job, and if it wasn't I had a magic blue button I could press to give myself a little more. I didn't overdo it and could always feel the contractions, and actually felt discomfort at times, but I didn't want to get behind the pain again. Time was rolling on and at 8:30pm I was 10 centimeters, but the baby's head was in the -2 station (if I remember correctly). They said that we could wait an hour and see if the baby's head came down any further on it's own. They also said to let them know if I felt the urge to poop or pressure in my bum - yeah, in labor land this means that it's time to push the baby. At 9:30 the midwife checked again and things were the same so we decided to start the pushing. I had had slight pressure in my bum and figured now is as good a time as any. The pushing started and I quickly realized how difficult this was going to be. For some reason I imagined a few pushes and the baby's head coming out. How wrong I was. However, I heard my Mother and sister's encouraging words and I kept on pushing despite the disappointment (yes, I kept wanting her head to just come out immediately!)
The pushing part of the labor was hard. Really hard. I was in pain - not just feeling "pressure" as everyone had assured me and I was exhausted. Exhausted to the point that I feared I wouldn't be able to do it. Exhausted to the point where I literally began to dream the second I stopped pushing. This scared me; however, the midwife, nurses and my family told me to let myself fall asleep between pushes, that that was what they wanted. So, I allowed myself to drift between pushes. I was anxious to meet the baby, and anxious to have her before 12:00am - what can I say, I liked the way the 18th sounded for her birthday rather than the 19th - I'm an even numbers kind of girl. At this point I really need to acknowledge how amazing my entire family was. My sister held my left leg for me, my Mother said encouraging things to me about how the head was progressing, etc, my husband held my hand and whispered motivating and sweet words in my ear, and my father helped me lift my head and shoulders up as I pushed. This was truly a team effort and I cannot thank them enough.
The pushing continued with me switching from my back to my left side. At first I was very against laboring on my side; however, I gave it a whirl and found that it really helped me focus my pushing. The only difficult part was that my right leg was dead from the epidural and felt like a numb lip after the dentist gives you a shot of novacaine. I couldn't lift up my right leg so I needed the nurse to do it for me. At one point I felt a contraction coming on and I asked the nurse and midwife if they wanted me to push through this one. (They had had me take a break during others so I wasn't sure.) Although the nurse and midwife were inches from me they didn't hear my question. I asked again "I feel this contraction - am I pushing through this..?" Nothing. "Ladies?" Nothing. I looked back and forth between them and said, "Anyone...? Anyone?" Still no response from them. This little moment struck a funny chord in my sister and she began to get "the gigs" as she and I say (translation - the giggles). Well, when she has the gigs - I get them too. Try pushing through a contraction with the giggles - it isn't easy!
After this the pushing continued. The pain continued. And my worry if she was ever going to come out continued. My biggest fear was c-section and when the doctor entered the room I wondered what was on everyone's mind. I heard something about how things were going slow... they might need to use the vacuum and they were going to put a probe on her head through the cervix to read her heart rate. All of these things made me want to push even harder and instead of the 3 push rhythm, I would throw in a 4th. They also were concerned about oxygen and wanted me to wear an oxygen mask. I hated the oxygen. I felt like I was suffocating - even though it was giving me air. I kept ripping it off my face to the point where my sister had to hold the mask out about an inch from my face so I would still benefit from the oxygen without feeling completely claustrophobic (yes, I still hated it an inch from my face).
Suddenly the birth was progressing... Everyone kept telling me that she was coming.. they could see her head and to keep pushing hard and focus my pushing. I found myself pushing as hard as I thought I could and saying out loud "Come on.. come on!" Then her head was out - I felt the pressure of her head and waiting for the release of the body. Everyone was encouraging me to push hard for the body and that the head was out. I continued to push as hard as I could, waiting for the release of the body. Yes, everyone says "Oh, the body just follows the head".."the body just flies out"... "The head is the hardest part... then the body just slides out afterward." Well, there was no sliding of her body, no release, and I was nervous. I heard someone (I think the midwife) yell "We have a shoulder!" They may have called for back up too. There were immediately more nurses huddled around. At this point I was terrified. She was stuck and not coming out on her own. I was scared about what was happening, what could happen, and also confused.
The doctor began punching and pushing on my stomach and I continued pushing as hard as I could. I just wanted her out and I was scared for her health and safety. I pushed and pushed with every ounce and shred of energy I had and then finally I felt the release of her body. I was relieved she was out and I just wanted to hold and see her. They placed her slippery little body on my chest for a moment and then whisked her away. My family went across the room to where they brought her. They cleaned her up, weighed her, and checked to make sure she was okay. I was scared at first because I heard one cry, but she wasn't continually screaming like they always show in the movies or TV programs. My sister assured me she was fine and that if something were wrong they wouldn't be letting my parents be nearby. The nurses echoed this and I started to calm down. They told me she weighed 8 pounds and 14 ounces and was alert, chubby, and adorable.
During this time I was trying to pass the placenta. And, as luck would have it, this didn't just come out easily either. Again, something everyone told me was that it just falls out, or they didn't even know when it fell out. No, I had to wait for at least 15 minutes and push a few times before I finally passed the placenta. I was intrigued by my placenta and asked to see it. It was shown and explained to me and I thought it was pretty cool. Apparently they did too as it was mentioned that it was a "sizable placenta!" Guess she was well nourished; hence the 8lbs 14oz.
After "giving birth" to the placenta (a little joke I've made), I then had to practice patience for the many, many stitches placed in to repair my 3 tears. Superficial, but still. I kept asking the midwife if she was almost done, and she kept replying with "almost..." I was anxious to hold my baby and by this point everyone had but me. My husband brought her over to the bedside so I could get a better look at her. I should also mention that her name had been a secret the entire pregnancy. My family was eager to know her name and when she was born they all expectantly waited to finally know it. However, I wanted to hold her before I said her name, but by that point it seemed like it would never happen so I decided to appease them. My husband stood by my side holding our precious baby girl and I looked at their excited and eager expressions and told them her name was Cora Deborah Norah - Deborah for my mom and Norah for Marty's mom. They excitedly exclaimed her name over and over and how beautiful both she and her name was. It was a lovely moment of celebration and Cora continued to show how alert she was and look around at everyone.
After what felt like forever, my stitches were complete and I was allowed to sit up. I got ready for the moment that I had waited 41 weeks and 3 days and 19+ hours for - to hold my most precious baby girl. And then, I was in paradise.
I woke up in the middle of the night a few times to pee (per the usual). I wondered if I was leaking amniotic fluid, but I had already had that worry earlier in the week and it turned out to be nothing so I chalked it up to it probably being too good to be true. I was up again at about 3:45am to pee and decided this time to use one of the test paper strips that the midwife had provided me with to test if amniotic fluid was leaking. It instantly turned navy blue - bingo! I also was in pain - not the worse pain in my life (little did I know that was to come...) but still, pain. I woke up my husband and told him I was in pain, the paper turned blue and I was calling urgent care to see what they thought. The nurse told me that the on-call midwife would get back to me within 15 minutes. I wait almost 30 - no call. I phoned back explaining that I hadn't received a call and that my "contractions" (I was in denial and was calling them cramps still until my husband said "call them contractions!") were coming every 3 to 5 minutes apart. The gentleman who answered this time was surprised I hadn't received a call back yet and said they would page the midwife again. This time I decided to hop in the shower in case we were heading to the hospital. 15 minutes goes by and still no call. It'd now been 45 minutes since the initial call and I was scared as the contractions were consistent and sore. Foolishly I feared the baby would just suddenly "arrive" - maybe I'd heard one to many weird stories of people's babies just falling out into the toilet when they sat to pee. Anyway, I phoned back urgent care yet again and this time I did get a phone call back from the hospital - "Oh, I guess we had the wrong phone number." Uh, hello - I'd been freaking out for an hour and not one person thought to double check my phone number with me? Anyway, the word was head in to the emergency room and they'll check me out.
My Mother and sister had already told me that I was to call them immediately when I was heading into the hospital for labor. For the past few weeks, every time I'd call my Mom she'd answer with "Is this it??" Now I got to finally call her and say "I'm pretty sure this is it!" I called my parents house - *annoying dial sound and then "I'm sorry, the number you are trying to reach cannot be completed as dialed." WHAT? I dial (well, press "Home" on my phone) and again - "I'm sorry, the number you are trying to reach cannot be completed as dialed." But I'm not even dialing! I can't be messing this up! Okay, deep breaths.. I decided to try my sister. Her phone goes to voice mail - 4 times! She had been at a wedding the night before and now my fear was she might be a bit... tired... and not hearing her phone. Both my sister and Mother had told me to phone them when labor struck and now I couldn't get ahold of either of them. Was this some kind of cruel joke? My husband suggested I try my Mother's cell phone. I told him that she doesn't keep her cell phone near her so it'd be a waste of time. I then tried it anyway and low and behold, she answered. By this point it was after 5:00am and I told her the status so far and that I'd phone her as soon as everything was confirmed at the hospital. She shared her excitement with me and said she'd be waiting for the call. I then decided to try my sister's house phone and again, success. She informed me that her lovely husband had left her cell phone downstairs in her house and so she hadn't heard it ringing. Now everyone was informed and waiting on my confirmation calls.
We arrived at Newton-Wellesley after 5:00am and before 6:00am.. that's as good of a time as I can give you. We were taken immediately (I felt like a celeb!) and they had a bracelet on me, paperwork completed and had me walking to meet with the midwife within moments. We then sat in the exam room - well, Marty sat - I paced through the contractions - for 50 minutes. Yes, almost an hour! I was annoyed, sore, tired and wondering if this was really it. After a quick examination by the midwife it was determined that my water had, in fact, "ruptured" - their word, not mine, and that I was 5 centimeters along. So, this was it. I was going to leave the hospital with a baby. I then phoned my parents and sister and told them to head on down!
The next few (many!) hours consisted of me wearing a johnny, drinking lots of juice provided by the self-service "nourishment" center, and walking around the labor and delivery floor. Every 15 minutes the nurse checked the baby's heart rate, and things were going wonderful. I knew I couldn't sit still while in labor. Moving through the contractions actually helped me; therefore, I walked, did "knee highs", lightly marched/jogged in place, and did lunges. Yes, lunges. The nurse mentioned that lunges can help move the baby into proper place, so lunge I did. I tried the birthing ball, too. The ball was okay to sit and rock on, but the moment a contraction started I couldn't bare to sit on it - I had to get up. This continued for a long while with the midwife checking how far I'd dilated every couple hours. I was doing okay and still keeping an open mind about natural child birth. So far I had been handling the contractions and in my mind I thought, 'Hey, maybe I can do this!'
My contractions continued in their timely rhythm and suddenly one came on that made me start to whimper. My lunges didn't help, my marching in place didn't help, and I felt myself start to whimper. The next one after this resulted in a few tears. I wondered if I was getting weaker? More tired? Why now was I starting to tear up? Well, things continued in this fashion until I was crying, white as a ghost, shaking, weak, and thinking that I was going to die. Some things I were saying at this point include, but are not limited to: "I hate labor", "labor sucks" (and then apologizing for saying "sucks"), "I'm so unhappy" and statements about jumping out of the window. I also was making remarks about wanting to be able to bottle what a contraction feels like and be able to inject it into men and young girls who think it's cool to be sexually active. Anyway, around the time of these statements, and my thoughts that I would die, the midwife checked where I was at - 8 centimeters. If I'd been 10 cms I would've tried to push. Instead, I was (potentially) hours away from hitting 10 cms (for some reason I slowed down on my way to 8cms). I was in pain, I was tired, I was shaking - to the point where my family kept asking/telling me to sit down. They were honestly afraid I was going to just fall over I think. And yes, my Mom, Dad, sister and husband were all in the labor room with me. After the midwife said I was at 8cms I told her that I thought I needed the epidural. I knew they were championing for me to go natural (since I'd been doing so well) but I truly thought I was dying. The midwife asked if I'd like to try a hot shower. The thought of standing in a hot shower to only get soaking wet, then exit - cold and in pain was not something that appealed to me. I said something along the lines of that I appreciated what she was trying to do/say, but that I really needed the epidural. She said okay and called on the anesthesiologist.
While waiting for the anesthesiologist, I suffered more contractions where I kept saying "I can't do this. I can't do this!" To which the midwife and my sister responded "You can." and "But you are doing it!" Mr. Miracle Drug walked in and began sanitizing my back as I sat on the bed. I had to go through one last horrific contraction - again where I honestly thought I wouldn't survive - and then prepared myself for the "pinch" of the epidural needle. I felt an immediate zing down my right leg, was assured that that meant things were done well, and then waited for relief. I leaned back and suddenly felt a little queasy. I said to the nurses something along the lines of not feeling well and then just said "Yes, I think I might throw up right now." They handed me a basin, I used it, and then the nausea was gone. The best part came next: within 20 - 30 minutes of the epidural I was completely pain free. I still was aware I was having contractions: I could feel the sensation; however, I was not suffering. At one point I asked the nurse if I was having a contraction, she said yes, I said "Sweet" and continued to text on my phone. This was a wonderful moment.
The midwife continued to check my status and we realized things were slowing down a little, so welcome pitocin. I didn't really mind the pitocin at this point because the epidural was doing it's job, and if it wasn't I had a magic blue button I could press to give myself a little more. I didn't overdo it and could always feel the contractions, and actually felt discomfort at times, but I didn't want to get behind the pain again. Time was rolling on and at 8:30pm I was 10 centimeters, but the baby's head was in the -2 station (if I remember correctly). They said that we could wait an hour and see if the baby's head came down any further on it's own. They also said to let them know if I felt the urge to poop or pressure in my bum - yeah, in labor land this means that it's time to push the baby. At 9:30 the midwife checked again and things were the same so we decided to start the pushing. I had had slight pressure in my bum and figured now is as good a time as any. The pushing started and I quickly realized how difficult this was going to be. For some reason I imagined a few pushes and the baby's head coming out. How wrong I was. However, I heard my Mother and sister's encouraging words and I kept on pushing despite the disappointment (yes, I kept wanting her head to just come out immediately!)
The pushing part of the labor was hard. Really hard. I was in pain - not just feeling "pressure" as everyone had assured me and I was exhausted. Exhausted to the point that I feared I wouldn't be able to do it. Exhausted to the point where I literally began to dream the second I stopped pushing. This scared me; however, the midwife, nurses and my family told me to let myself fall asleep between pushes, that that was what they wanted. So, I allowed myself to drift between pushes. I was anxious to meet the baby, and anxious to have her before 12:00am - what can I say, I liked the way the 18th sounded for her birthday rather than the 19th - I'm an even numbers kind of girl. At this point I really need to acknowledge how amazing my entire family was. My sister held my left leg for me, my Mother said encouraging things to me about how the head was progressing, etc, my husband held my hand and whispered motivating and sweet words in my ear, and my father helped me lift my head and shoulders up as I pushed. This was truly a team effort and I cannot thank them enough.
The pushing continued with me switching from my back to my left side. At first I was very against laboring on my side; however, I gave it a whirl and found that it really helped me focus my pushing. The only difficult part was that my right leg was dead from the epidural and felt like a numb lip after the dentist gives you a shot of novacaine. I couldn't lift up my right leg so I needed the nurse to do it for me. At one point I felt a contraction coming on and I asked the nurse and midwife if they wanted me to push through this one. (They had had me take a break during others so I wasn't sure.) Although the nurse and midwife were inches from me they didn't hear my question. I asked again "I feel this contraction - am I pushing through this..?" Nothing. "Ladies?" Nothing. I looked back and forth between them and said, "Anyone...? Anyone?" Still no response from them. This little moment struck a funny chord in my sister and she began to get "the gigs" as she and I say (translation - the giggles). Well, when she has the gigs - I get them too. Try pushing through a contraction with the giggles - it isn't easy!
After this the pushing continued. The pain continued. And my worry if she was ever going to come out continued. My biggest fear was c-section and when the doctor entered the room I wondered what was on everyone's mind. I heard something about how things were going slow... they might need to use the vacuum and they were going to put a probe on her head through the cervix to read her heart rate. All of these things made me want to push even harder and instead of the 3 push rhythm, I would throw in a 4th. They also were concerned about oxygen and wanted me to wear an oxygen mask. I hated the oxygen. I felt like I was suffocating - even though it was giving me air. I kept ripping it off my face to the point where my sister had to hold the mask out about an inch from my face so I would still benefit from the oxygen without feeling completely claustrophobic (yes, I still hated it an inch from my face).
Suddenly the birth was progressing... Everyone kept telling me that she was coming.. they could see her head and to keep pushing hard and focus my pushing. I found myself pushing as hard as I thought I could and saying out loud "Come on.. come on!" Then her head was out - I felt the pressure of her head and waiting for the release of the body. Everyone was encouraging me to push hard for the body and that the head was out. I continued to push as hard as I could, waiting for the release of the body. Yes, everyone says "Oh, the body just follows the head".."the body just flies out"... "The head is the hardest part... then the body just slides out afterward." Well, there was no sliding of her body, no release, and I was nervous. I heard someone (I think the midwife) yell "We have a shoulder!" They may have called for back up too. There were immediately more nurses huddled around. At this point I was terrified. She was stuck and not coming out on her own. I was scared about what was happening, what could happen, and also confused.
The doctor began punching and pushing on my stomach and I continued pushing as hard as I could. I just wanted her out and I was scared for her health and safety. I pushed and pushed with every ounce and shred of energy I had and then finally I felt the release of her body. I was relieved she was out and I just wanted to hold and see her. They placed her slippery little body on my chest for a moment and then whisked her away. My family went across the room to where they brought her. They cleaned her up, weighed her, and checked to make sure she was okay. I was scared at first because I heard one cry, but she wasn't continually screaming like they always show in the movies or TV programs. My sister assured me she was fine and that if something were wrong they wouldn't be letting my parents be nearby. The nurses echoed this and I started to calm down. They told me she weighed 8 pounds and 14 ounces and was alert, chubby, and adorable.
During this time I was trying to pass the placenta. And, as luck would have it, this didn't just come out easily either. Again, something everyone told me was that it just falls out, or they didn't even know when it fell out. No, I had to wait for at least 15 minutes and push a few times before I finally passed the placenta. I was intrigued by my placenta and asked to see it. It was shown and explained to me and I thought it was pretty cool. Apparently they did too as it was mentioned that it was a "sizable placenta!" Guess she was well nourished; hence the 8lbs 14oz.
After "giving birth" to the placenta (a little joke I've made), I then had to practice patience for the many, many stitches placed in to repair my 3 tears. Superficial, but still. I kept asking the midwife if she was almost done, and she kept replying with "almost..." I was anxious to hold my baby and by this point everyone had but me. My husband brought her over to the bedside so I could get a better look at her. I should also mention that her name had been a secret the entire pregnancy. My family was eager to know her name and when she was born they all expectantly waited to finally know it. However, I wanted to hold her before I said her name, but by that point it seemed like it would never happen so I decided to appease them. My husband stood by my side holding our precious baby girl and I looked at their excited and eager expressions and told them her name was Cora Deborah Norah - Deborah for my mom and Norah for Marty's mom. They excitedly exclaimed her name over and over and how beautiful both she and her name was. It was a lovely moment of celebration and Cora continued to show how alert she was and look around at everyone.
After what felt like forever, my stitches were complete and I was allowed to sit up. I got ready for the moment that I had waited 41 weeks and 3 days and 19+ hours for - to hold my most precious baby girl. And then, I was in paradise.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
41 weeks; 287 days; baby - are you ever going to arrive?
Here I sit - 41 weeks pregnant. I seriously am in disbelief. Is it crazy that I truly thought by now I'd already have a 2 week old..? I mean, it's mid-September. September is half over. Two weeks until October... and still... no baby! I know a due date is just a guess.. but it's like a holiday. You wait and wait for this day, countdown the days until it arrives, and then it's finally here. You wake up, the day goes by and ends, and no prize: it feels like Christmas with no presents. And who likes Christmas without presents? I certainly don't.
Since I am 41 weeks pregnant today I had the routine 41 week BPP Ultrasound. All went well so I'm very thankful. Baby girl Burke was practicing her breathing, moving around, and was seemingly as happy as could be. The tech said she was beautiful multiple times, and that everything looked perfect.. she followed up with "We won't be sending you to the hospital today!" I'm very thankful all is well in the womb, and it is pretty amazing to watch her move around and put her little fist near her face on the ultrasound, but I still want to meet her in person! As I was watching the screen I was tearing up - I mean, it's so crazy to see her little face; to watch her body moving while she's "breathing", and see her eyelids, nose and lips.. it's all surreal. It is still hard to grasp that right now in my tummy is a normal looking human baby. Come on - how crazy is that? It's crazy.
So, aside from being very eager to meet this baby, I now am developing a new problem. Okay, it's a fear. Perhaps it's because I have too much time on my hands, but I suddenly have this terrible fear and anxiety about bringing home the baby. The reality of being responsible for a human life is beginning to overwhelm me. I'm afraid to even type this, but I need the support. I'm scared of the responsibility of keeping her alive - is this crazy to say? Please tell me you've worried about this at least once? Or maybe I am just crazy. But if I am, then oh well - I'm sharing it with the world. It is just such a huge deal (forgive my poor language skills..) to care for another living being - especially a human! I'm not saying I didn't think about this factor before - it just never terrified me before. I see myself never sleeping and constantly watching the baby's chest rise and fall while she sleeps. Anyone else ever feel this way, anyone... anyone?
Okay, I think I've vented enough for one blog. Tomorrow is my stress test for the baby. I hope to find out if I've dilated more, if I'm more effaced... and what the plan is for this baby. My number one fear is c-section, so I'm anxious to hear the professional's opinion on how they think I should proceed. Wish me luck, and if I have any, I'll just go into labor tonight on my own. Ha, I can dream.
Since I am 41 weeks pregnant today I had the routine 41 week BPP Ultrasound. All went well so I'm very thankful. Baby girl Burke was practicing her breathing, moving around, and was seemingly as happy as could be. The tech said she was beautiful multiple times, and that everything looked perfect.. she followed up with "We won't be sending you to the hospital today!" I'm very thankful all is well in the womb, and it is pretty amazing to watch her move around and put her little fist near her face on the ultrasound, but I still want to meet her in person! As I was watching the screen I was tearing up - I mean, it's so crazy to see her little face; to watch her body moving while she's "breathing", and see her eyelids, nose and lips.. it's all surreal. It is still hard to grasp that right now in my tummy is a normal looking human baby. Come on - how crazy is that? It's crazy.
So, aside from being very eager to meet this baby, I now am developing a new problem. Okay, it's a fear. Perhaps it's because I have too much time on my hands, but I suddenly have this terrible fear and anxiety about bringing home the baby. The reality of being responsible for a human life is beginning to overwhelm me. I'm afraid to even type this, but I need the support. I'm scared of the responsibility of keeping her alive - is this crazy to say? Please tell me you've worried about this at least once? Or maybe I am just crazy. But if I am, then oh well - I'm sharing it with the world. It is just such a huge deal (forgive my poor language skills..) to care for another living being - especially a human! I'm not saying I didn't think about this factor before - it just never terrified me before. I see myself never sleeping and constantly watching the baby's chest rise and fall while she sleeps. Anyone else ever feel this way, anyone... anyone?
Okay, I think I've vented enough for one blog. Tomorrow is my stress test for the baby. I hope to find out if I've dilated more, if I'm more effaced... and what the plan is for this baby. My number one fear is c-section, so I'm anxious to hear the professional's opinion on how they think I should proceed. Wish me luck, and if I have any, I'll just go into labor tonight on my own. Ha, I can dream.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Seriously? I'm a statistic?
40 weeks and 3 days. I'm officially a statistic: women who go past their due date. Now, I know I can't complain too much as I've heard everyone's horror stories of: "I was fully effaced and 4cms dilated for a month and had the baby 3 weeks late after a 24 hour labor and c-section"... but, I'm going to complain anyway. It's my blog and I'll complain if I want to. Here goes. I want to have this baby! Lately I have done it all: walking, spinning, "pumping" (yes, I've already put that lovely image in your head through a past post - sorry), eating spicy food, consuming the basil (in italian food), squats, jumping jacks, walking up stairs... what else can I list here that won't put terrible mental images in your head? You don't need to picture a 40 week pregs body doing much more. And you know what my one conclusion is? I'm done with old wives' tales, natural induction methods and "so and so told me to try this.." This baby is going to arrive when she wants because here I am 40 weeks and 3 days.. and still pregnant. And disappointed because my doctor got my hopes up when he said "I think probably by this weekend!" And guess what Dr. S - this weekend is pretty much over! I'm trying to be patient and realize it could be worse. I've been pretty fortunate this pregnancy as it really hasn't been that bad, but now I'm just ready. My stomach is big and tight. My hips are sore. My heartburn is excruciating (I didn't know it was humanly possible to eat this many Tums. I should have bought stock!). And I've been cramping a lot. Can this please mean my body is almost ready?
Anyway, thanks for listening. Thanks for picturing my huge body doing jumping jacks. And thanks for sympathizing with the heartburn.
Now, I want Chinese food. Don't they say Chinese food can help bring on labor........?
Anyway, thanks for listening. Thanks for picturing my huge body doing jumping jacks. And thanks for sympathizing with the heartburn.
Now, I want Chinese food. Don't they say Chinese food can help bring on labor........?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
$257.50 later....
Well, today started off as any other Wednesday. I went to my spin class at the Y and did my thing for 40 minutes! Not too shabby if I do say so myself. I left class to many warm wishes from people and jokes of "We hope we don't see you next week!" The day continued as normal with me off to work, etc. My doctor appointment was scheduled for 2:10pm and I met my husband at the train station by 1:30ish. He informs me that the tire of the car is rubbing against the quarter panel on the right side. Let me back track a little. The other night, on a spur moment burst of motivation, we headed to IKEA to pick up some decor, etc for little baby girl Burke's bedroom. On the way home, while driving on the lovely paved streets of Boston, I hit a (sizable) pothole. Oops. A strange noise then kicked in soon after; however, after my husband and I "looked" at the car.. all seemed fine. Our conclusion was - perhaps a loose muffler banging against the car? I was relieved. Okay, back to where I was: me walking off the train to meet him today and seeing the wheel completely rubbing against the quarter panel. To put it lightly, I started freaking out. After conversing with my Dad, etc... the conclusion was to carefully drive it to our shop just a mile away. Well, on the way I drove over a tiny little bump (it's Boston - they're unavoidable!) and the tire moves back into place (seemingly as the noise disappeared!) I'm still a wreck at this point and pull into the shop, open the car door and proceed to try to explain the issue through streaming tears to the guy at the shop. He tells us - don't worry, it's a control arm *blah blah blah*. Well, now I'm worried about my prenatal appointment, which is scheduled to start in, oh, 25ish minutes? I call the OB/GYN office, talk to the guy at the shop and the plan is: leave the car there while they call around for the part and take the bus to the appointment.
The next part of our journey is fairly comical. My husband jogs head of me holding my large raspberry colored tote bag on his shoulder while I pathetically jog/walk/waddle behind him holding my barely functioning purple umbrella. Well, my little athletic stint ended up creating some severe pain in my right hip. I'm currently still in substantial pain. Oh fun.
So, we arrive for the appointment and the regular prenatal business takes place. Including my doctor telling me I may be carrying around a 9 pound baby. He then says "I'm actually on tomorrow, maybe I'll see you!" Sounds like I could go anytime. However, as a precaution, I'm scheduled for another appointment because as my doc said "I've been wrong before."
Appointment ends, and hubs and I realize that - oh shoot, if I go into labor tonight and we don't have a car that'll be bad.... now we need a rental. We head on over to Enterprise-Rent-A-Car and get the most inexpensive vehicle. But, the guy takes a look at my bulging belly and decides to upgrade us to a bigger and better vehicle at no cost. Sweet. We take that puppy out for a bite to eat and mid-dinner get a call from the shop. What do they say? The car is done. DONE. "Nicole, you should really get a rental because we don't know if it'll get done until tomorrow.. blah blah" and now, 1.5 hrs later... the car is done. Well, that's just grand, but we just dropped mula on a rental. Figures. I phone up ERAC and the guy says come on over and we'll work something out. So, hubs picks up our car, I go to Enterprise - get a bit of a discount ("half day rental" equals 1.5 hours I guess..) and when all is said and done we're $257.50 poorer.
And here I sit, with a sore hip, a (possibly!) 9 pound baby in my belly, and moose tracks light ice cream in the freezer. Good night and farewell, and maybe my next post will be a birth story!
The next part of our journey is fairly comical. My husband jogs head of me holding my large raspberry colored tote bag on his shoulder while I pathetically jog/walk/waddle behind him holding my barely functioning purple umbrella. Well, my little athletic stint ended up creating some severe pain in my right hip. I'm currently still in substantial pain. Oh fun.
So, we arrive for the appointment and the regular prenatal business takes place. Including my doctor telling me I may be carrying around a 9 pound baby. He then says "I'm actually on tomorrow, maybe I'll see you!" Sounds like I could go anytime. However, as a precaution, I'm scheduled for another appointment because as my doc said "I've been wrong before."
Appointment ends, and hubs and I realize that - oh shoot, if I go into labor tonight and we don't have a car that'll be bad.... now we need a rental. We head on over to Enterprise-Rent-A-Car and get the most inexpensive vehicle. But, the guy takes a look at my bulging belly and decides to upgrade us to a bigger and better vehicle at no cost. Sweet. We take that puppy out for a bite to eat and mid-dinner get a call from the shop. What do they say? The car is done. DONE. "Nicole, you should really get a rental because we don't know if it'll get done until tomorrow.. blah blah" and now, 1.5 hrs later... the car is done. Well, that's just grand, but we just dropped mula on a rental. Figures. I phone up ERAC and the guy says come on over and we'll work something out. So, hubs picks up our car, I go to Enterprise - get a bit of a discount ("half day rental" equals 1.5 hours I guess..) and when all is said and done we're $257.50 poorer.
And here I sit, with a sore hip, a (possibly!) 9 pound baby in my belly, and moose tracks light ice cream in the freezer. Good night and farewell, and maybe my next post will be a birth story!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
2 days shy of being due.
Here I sit just 2 days away from my due date and I really wish this baby would decide to arrive. I'm sitting on my couch watching TLC's "Big Sexy". Synopsis: sassy, man-loving, plus-size models in NY. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.
So, as far as this pregs goes, I've done a lot of prep work - spinning at the Y weekly, working full-time (and being quite active at work might I add), squatting - yes, I read doing squats can help prime the body for labor, and more. What more you ask? Well, I've also done jumping jacks... by myself.. in my living room... at night, followed by running in place. Embarrassing? Well, I can trump that. It's called trying to "pump" to induce labor. Yes: it's what you're picturing. And it's weird. And it apparently didn't work. I won't be trying that one again any time soon. Sorry, Avent machine... you'll have to wait a few more weeks until you get a hold of me again!
I've read about other options as well: inserting an evening primrose capsule near your cervix - WHAT? You want me to put a capsule where? Pass. There are also myths involving eggplant parm, spicy food, and chinese food; however, my heartburn is so excruciating that if I didn't go into labor I'd be cursing myself when I wake up at 2:00am and throw about 5 extra strength Tums into my mouth. And might I add, that the after taste when you wake up an hour later to pee at 3:00am is pretty terrible. Trust me, I'm a Tums-taking-expert; I know these things.
One of my favorite "natural ways to induce labor" is taking castor oil. Here is a direct quote my friends: "Castor oil almost always causes diarrhea. Its primary use is a stimulant laxative. It has an unpleasant taste and may cause nausea, vomiting, and abdominal cramping. It is believed that castor oil works to stimulate the bowels. It can lead to cramps and tightening of the muscles in the intestines. These cramps may spread to the uterus, tightening the uterine muscles and stimulating contractions. These contractions may or may not lead to the onset of active labor." Does that really seem "natural" to you? I'll pass on a bad case of diarrhea, which may or may not even lead to labor!
So, I guess I'm left with continuing to spin at the Y, working full-time, squatting, and doing jumping jacks. Baby girl Burke needs to hurry up. I can't handle many more uncomfortable nights watching "Big Sexy".
So, as far as this pregs goes, I've done a lot of prep work - spinning at the Y weekly, working full-time (and being quite active at work might I add), squatting - yes, I read doing squats can help prime the body for labor, and more. What more you ask? Well, I've also done jumping jacks... by myself.. in my living room... at night, followed by running in place. Embarrassing? Well, I can trump that. It's called trying to "pump" to induce labor. Yes: it's what you're picturing. And it's weird. And it apparently didn't work. I won't be trying that one again any time soon. Sorry, Avent machine... you'll have to wait a few more weeks until you get a hold of me again!
I've read about other options as well: inserting an evening primrose capsule near your cervix - WHAT? You want me to put a capsule where? Pass. There are also myths involving eggplant parm, spicy food, and chinese food; however, my heartburn is so excruciating that if I didn't go into labor I'd be cursing myself when I wake up at 2:00am and throw about 5 extra strength Tums into my mouth. And might I add, that the after taste when you wake up an hour later to pee at 3:00am is pretty terrible. Trust me, I'm a Tums-taking-expert; I know these things.
One of my favorite "natural ways to induce labor" is taking castor oil. Here is a direct quote my friends: "Castor oil almost always causes diarrhea. Its primary use is a stimulant laxative. It has an unpleasant taste and may cause nausea, vomiting, and abdominal cramping. It is believed that castor oil works to stimulate the bowels. It can lead to cramps and tightening of the muscles in the intestines. These cramps may spread to the uterus, tightening the uterine muscles and stimulating contractions. These contractions may or may not lead to the onset of active labor." Does that really seem "natural" to you? I'll pass on a bad case of diarrhea, which may or may not even lead to labor!
So, I guess I'm left with continuing to spin at the Y, working full-time, squatting, and doing jumping jacks. Baby girl Burke needs to hurry up. I can't handle many more uncomfortable nights watching "Big Sexy".
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