41 weeks; 287 days; baby - are you ever going to arrive?

Here I sit - 41 weeks pregnant.  I seriously am in disbelief.  Is it crazy that I truly thought by now I'd already have a 2 week old..?  I mean, it's mid-September.  September is half over.  Two weeks until October... and still... no baby!  I know a due date is just a guess.. but it's like a holiday.  You wait and wait for this day, countdown the days until it arrives, and then it's finally here.  You wake up, the day goes by and ends, and no prize: it feels like Christmas with no presents.  And who likes Christmas without presents?  I certainly don't. 

Since I am 41 weeks pregnant today I had the routine 41 week BPP Ultrasound.  All went well so I'm very thankful.  Baby girl Burke was practicing her breathing, moving around, and was seemingly as happy as could be.  The tech said she was beautiful multiple times, and that everything looked perfect.. she followed up with "We won't be sending you to the hospital today!"  I'm very thankful all is well in the womb, and it is pretty amazing to watch her move around and put her little fist near her face on the ultrasound, but I still want to meet her in person!  As I was watching the screen I was tearing up - I mean, it's so crazy to see her little face;  to watch her body moving while she's "breathing", and see her eyelids, nose and lips.. it's all surreal.  It is still hard to grasp that right now in my tummy is a normal looking human baby.  Come on - how crazy is that?  It's crazy.

So, aside from being very eager to meet this baby, I now am developing a new problem.  Okay, it's a fear.  Perhaps it's because I have too much time on my hands, but I suddenly have this terrible fear and anxiety about bringing home the baby.  The reality of being responsible for a human life is beginning to overwhelm me.  I'm afraid to even type this, but I need the support.  I'm scared of the responsibility of keeping her alive - is this crazy to say?  Please tell me you've worried about this at least once?  Or maybe I am just crazy.  But if I am, then oh well - I'm sharing it with the world.  It is just such a huge deal (forgive my poor language skills..) to care for another living being - especially a human!  I'm not saying I didn't think about this factor before - it just never terrified me before.  I see myself never sleeping and constantly watching the baby's chest rise and fall while she sleeps.  Anyone else ever feel this way, anyone... anyone?

Okay, I think I've vented enough for one blog.  Tomorrow is my stress test for the baby.  I hope to find out if I've dilated more, if I'm more effaced... and what the plan is for this baby.  My number one fear is c-section, so I'm anxious to hear the professional's opinion on how they think I should proceed.  Wish me luck, and if I have any, I'll just go into labor tonight on my own.  Ha, I can dream.