2 days shy of being due.

Here I sit just 2 days away from my due date and I really wish this baby would decide to arrive.  I'm sitting on my couch watching TLC's "Big Sexy".  Synopsis: sassy, man-loving, plus-size models in NY.  I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

So, as far as this pregs goes, I've done a lot of prep work - spinning at the Y weekly, working full-time (and being quite active at work might I add), squatting - yes, I read doing squats can help prime the body for labor, and more.  What more you ask?  Well, I've also done jumping jacks... by myself.. in my living room... at night, followed by running in place.  Embarrassing?  Well, I can trump that.  It's called trying to "pump" to induce labor.  Yes: it's what you're picturing.  And it's weird.  And it apparently didn't work.  I won't be trying that one again any time soon.  Sorry, Avent machine... you'll have to wait a few more weeks until you get a hold of me again!

I've read about other options as well: inserting an evening primrose capsule near your cervix - WHAT? You want me to put a capsule where?  Pass.  There are also myths involving eggplant parm, spicy food, and chinese food; however, my heartburn is so excruciating that if I didn't go into labor I'd be cursing myself when I wake up at 2:00am and throw about 5 extra strength Tums into my mouth.  And might I add, that the after taste when you wake up an hour later to pee at 3:00am is pretty terrible.  Trust me, I'm a Tums-taking-expert; I know these things. 

One of my favorite "natural ways to induce labor" is taking castor oil.  Here is a direct quote my friends: "Castor oil almost always causes diarrhea. Its primary use is a stimulant laxative. It has an unpleasant taste and may cause nausea, vomiting, and abdominal cramping.  It is believed that castor oil works to stimulate the bowels. It can lead to cramps and tightening of the muscles in the intestines. These cramps may spread to the uterus, tightening the uterine muscles and stimulating contractions. These contractions may or may not lead to the onset of active labor."  Does that really seem "natural" to you?  I'll pass on a bad case of diarrhea, which may or may not even lead to labor!

So, I guess I'm left with continuing to spin at the Y, working full-time, squatting, and doing jumping jacks.  Baby girl Burke needs to hurry up.  I can't handle many more uncomfortable nights watching "Big Sexy".