41 weeks; 287 days; baby - are you ever going to arrive?

Here I sit - 41 weeks pregnant.  I seriously am in disbelief.  Is it crazy that I truly thought by now I'd already have a 2 week old..?  I mean, it's mid-September.  September is half over.  Two weeks until October... and still... no baby!  I know a due date is just a guess.. but it's like a holiday.  You wait and wait for this day, countdown the days until it arrives, and then it's finally here.  You wake up, the day goes by and ends, and no prize: it feels like Christmas with no presents.  And who likes Christmas without presents?  I certainly don't. 

Since I am 41 weeks pregnant today I had the routine 41 week BPP Ultrasound.  All went well so I'm very thankful.  Baby girl Burke was practicing her breathing, moving around, and was seemingly as happy as could be.  The tech said she was beautiful multiple times, and that everything looked perfect.. she followed up with "We won't be sending you to the hospital today!"  I'm very thankful all is well in the womb, and it is pretty amazing to watch her move around and put her little fist near her face on the ultrasound, but I still want to meet her in person!  As I was watching the screen I was tearing up - I mean, it's so crazy to see her little face;  to watch her body moving while she's "breathing", and see her eyelids, nose and lips.. it's all surreal.  It is still hard to grasp that right now in my tummy is a normal looking human baby.  Come on - how crazy is that?  It's crazy.

So, aside from being very eager to meet this baby, I now am developing a new problem.  Okay, it's a fear.  Perhaps it's because I have too much time on my hands, but I suddenly have this terrible fear and anxiety about bringing home the baby.  The reality of being responsible for a human life is beginning to overwhelm me.  I'm afraid to even type this, but I need the support.  I'm scared of the responsibility of keeping her alive - is this crazy to say?  Please tell me you've worried about this at least once?  Or maybe I am just crazy.  But if I am, then oh well - I'm sharing it with the world.  It is just such a huge deal (forgive my poor language skills..) to care for another living being - especially a human!  I'm not saying I didn't think about this factor before - it just never terrified me before.  I see myself never sleeping and constantly watching the baby's chest rise and fall while she sleeps.  Anyone else ever feel this way, anyone... anyone?

Okay, I think I've vented enough for one blog.  Tomorrow is my stress test for the baby.  I hope to find out if I've dilated more, if I'm more effaced... and what the plan is for this baby.  My number one fear is c-section, so I'm anxious to hear the professional's opinion on how they think I should proceed.  Wish me luck, and if I have any, I'll just go into labor tonight on my own.  Ha, I can dream.

Seriously? I'm a statistic?

40 weeks and 3 days.  I'm officially a statistic: women who go past their due date.  Now, I know I can't complain too much as I've heard everyone's horror stories of: "I was fully effaced and 4cms dilated for a month and had the baby 3 weeks late after a 24 hour labor and c-section"...  but, I'm going to complain anyway.  It's my blog and I'll complain if I want to.  Here goes.  I want to have this baby!  Lately I have done it all: walking, spinning, "pumping" (yes, I've already put that lovely image in your head through a past post - sorry), eating spicy food, consuming the basil (in italian food), squats, jumping jacks, walking up stairs... what else can I list here that won't put terrible mental images in your head? You don't need to picture a 40 week pregs body doing much more.  And you know what my one conclusion is?  I'm done with old wives' tales, natural induction methods and "so and so told me to try this.."  This baby is going to arrive when she wants because here I am 40 weeks and 3 days.. and still pregnant.  And disappointed because my doctor got my hopes up when he said "I think probably by this weekend!"  And guess what Dr. S - this weekend is pretty much over!  I'm trying to be patient and realize it could be worse.  I've been pretty fortunate this pregnancy as it really hasn't been that bad, but now I'm just ready.  My stomach is big and tight.  My hips are sore.  My heartburn is excruciating (I didn't know it was humanly possible to eat this many Tums.  I should have bought stock!).  And I've been cramping a lot.  Can this please mean my body is almost ready? 

Anyway, thanks for listening.  Thanks for picturing my huge body doing jumping jacks.  And thanks for sympathizing with the heartburn. 

Now, I want Chinese food.  Don't they say Chinese food can help bring on labor........?

$257.50 later....

Well, today started off as any other Wednesday.  I went to my spin class at the Y and did my thing for 40 minutes!  Not too shabby if I do say so myself.  I left class to many warm wishes from people and jokes of "We hope we don't see you next week!"  The day continued as normal with me off to work, etc.  My doctor appointment was scheduled for 2:10pm and I met my husband at the train station by 1:30ish.  He informs me that the tire of the car is rubbing against the quarter panel on the right side.  Let me back track a little.  The other night, on a spur moment burst of motivation, we headed to IKEA to pick up some decor, etc for little baby girl Burke's bedroom.  On the way home, while driving on the lovely paved streets of Boston, I hit a (sizable) pothole.  Oops.  A strange noise then kicked in soon after; however, after my husband and I "looked" at the car.. all seemed fine.  Our conclusion was - perhaps a loose muffler banging against the car?  I was relieved.  Okay, back to where I was: me walking off the train to meet him today and seeing the wheel completely rubbing against the quarter panel.  To put it lightly, I started freaking out.  After conversing with my Dad, etc... the conclusion was to carefully drive it to our shop just a mile away.  Well, on the way I drove over a tiny little bump (it's Boston - they're unavoidable!) and the tire moves back into place (seemingly as the noise disappeared!)  I'm still a wreck at this point and pull into the shop, open the car door and proceed to try to explain the issue through streaming tears to the guy at the shop.  He tells us - don't worry, it's a control arm *blah blah blah*.   Well, now I'm worried about my prenatal appointment, which is scheduled to start in, oh, 25ish minutes?  I call the OB/GYN office, talk to the guy at the shop and the plan is: leave the car there while they call around for the part and take the bus to the appointment.

The next part of our journey is fairly comical.  My husband jogs head of me holding my large raspberry colored tote bag on his shoulder while I pathetically jog/walk/waddle behind him holding my barely functioning purple umbrella.  Well, my little athletic stint ended up creating some severe pain in my right hip.  I'm currently still in substantial pain.  Oh fun.

So, we arrive for the appointment and the regular prenatal business takes place.  Including my doctor telling me I may be carrying around a 9 pound baby.  He then says "I'm actually on tomorrow, maybe I'll see you!"  Sounds like I could go anytime.  However, as a precaution, I'm scheduled for another appointment because as my doc said "I've been wrong before."

Appointment ends, and hubs and I realize that - oh shoot, if I go into labor tonight and we don't have a car that'll be bad.... now we need a rental.  We head on over to Enterprise-Rent-A-Car and get the most inexpensive vehicle.  But, the guy takes a look at my bulging belly and decides to upgrade us to a bigger and better vehicle at no cost.  Sweet.  We take that puppy out for a bite to eat and mid-dinner get a call from the shop.  What do they say?  The car is done.  DONE.  "Nicole, you should really get a rental because we don't know if it'll get done until tomorrow.. blah blah" and now, 1.5 hrs later... the car is done.  Well, that's just grand, but we just dropped mula on a rental.  Figures.  I phone up ERAC and the guy says come on over and we'll work something out.  So, hubs picks up our car, I go to Enterprise - get a bit of a discount ("half day rental" equals 1.5 hours I guess..) and when all is said and done we're $257.50 poorer.

And here I sit, with a sore hip, a (possibly!) 9 pound baby in my belly, and moose tracks light ice cream in the freezer.  Good night and farewell, and maybe my next post will be a birth story!

2 days shy of being due.

Here I sit just 2 days away from my due date and I really wish this baby would decide to arrive.  I'm sitting on my couch watching TLC's "Big Sexy".  Synopsis: sassy, man-loving, plus-size models in NY.  I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

So, as far as this pregs goes, I've done a lot of prep work - spinning at the Y weekly, working full-time (and being quite active at work might I add), squatting - yes, I read doing squats can help prime the body for labor, and more.  What more you ask?  Well, I've also done jumping jacks... by myself.. in my living room... at night, followed by running in place.  Embarrassing?  Well, I can trump that.  It's called trying to "pump" to induce labor.  Yes: it's what you're picturing.  And it's weird.  And it apparently didn't work.  I won't be trying that one again any time soon.  Sorry, Avent machine... you'll have to wait a few more weeks until you get a hold of me again!

I've read about other options as well: inserting an evening primrose capsule near your cervix - WHAT? You want me to put a capsule where?  Pass.  There are also myths involving eggplant parm, spicy food, and chinese food; however, my heartburn is so excruciating that if I didn't go into labor I'd be cursing myself when I wake up at 2:00am and throw about 5 extra strength Tums into my mouth.  And might I add, that the after taste when you wake up an hour later to pee at 3:00am is pretty terrible.  Trust me, I'm a Tums-taking-expert; I know these things. 

One of my favorite "natural ways to induce labor" is taking castor oil.  Here is a direct quote my friends: "Castor oil almost always causes diarrhea. Its primary use is a stimulant laxative. It has an unpleasant taste and may cause nausea, vomiting, and abdominal cramping.  It is believed that castor oil works to stimulate the bowels. It can lead to cramps and tightening of the muscles in the intestines. These cramps may spread to the uterus, tightening the uterine muscles and stimulating contractions. These contractions may or may not lead to the onset of active labor."  Does that really seem "natural" to you?  I'll pass on a bad case of diarrhea, which may or may not even lead to labor!

So, I guess I'm left with continuing to spin at the Y, working full-time, squatting, and doing jumping jacks.  Baby girl Burke needs to hurry up.  I can't handle many more uncomfortable nights watching "Big Sexy".