attachment parenting--!? a semi-rant.

So I was thinking (insert applause here)... wtf is up with the term "attachment parenting"?  Why is it that those mothers who carry their baby around 24/7, have a "family bed" and nurse until the age of 3 get to label themselves as those that practice "attachment parenting".  I mean, I wore Cora a lot when she was little - mostly because it was easier to do things with two hands than one hand or no hands.  And, I nursed for a bit, and I pumped even more.  I also brought Cora into my bed at times and still do when I just need to sleep and can't deal with the screaming.  But, I also fed her formula, and didn't practice "baby led weaning".  I prefer her in her crib, and I like that now I don't have to carry her around because you know what - she's heavy.  But, I would still say I'm "attached" to her.   If you google attachment parenting you'll find a website called attachment parenting international.  You'll also find a whole bunch of other stuff and you'll often see the name Dr. Sears alongside of attachment parenting.  In theory, attachment parenting is what we all strive to do..

    

"Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
   
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life"

Now, who would argue any of this?  Probably no one.  However, the way these principles are interpreted is where the issue, in my eyes, lies.

Principle 2.) Feed with Love and Respect.  First of all, I'm all for breastfeeding - yay - go breastfeeding!  However, I wouldn't judge someone who uses formula.  I used formula.  I used bottles.  Breastfeeding isn't easy and I do not think that a baby who is bottle and formula fed will have any less connection to their mother.  Some interpret principle 2 basically saying that breast is best and anything less could be detrimental.  Please, that's bullsh*t.

Now, I don't really want to break all of these down for you because for one, that's time consuming, and secondly, you can google and read for yourself just as easily (and possibly less annoyingly!)  But here's what I'll say.  I hate the whole "attachment parenting" thing.  I hate that it's a "method", I hate that it's an international group!! (wtf is up with THAT!?)  I hate that if you don't wear your baby in a sling around the clock and not quit your job and life to stay home and not nurse around the clock until baby is 3 and not have a family bed until your kids are in high school.. that you aren't defined as a parent who is attached.  WTF is up with this idea?  I'm sorry, Dr. Sears, but you suck for creating some exclusive club and coining the phrase "attachment parenting".  Because you know what?  I do all of those 8 things as best as I can.  Who wouldn't?  Who would ever argue with "use nurturing touch" or "provide consistent loving care"; however, a lot of us (maybe?) wouldn't say we practice "attachment parenting" because sadly, it's become this group of moms pioneered by Mayim Bialik (aka Blossom), and they feel the need to interpret these 8 principles in such a way that makes the rest of us non-baby-wearers feel excluded.  Am I wrong?  Maybe, I am. But, maybe I'm not.  If you've ever been judged because you didn't breastfeed long enough, or you put your kid in daycare, or HEAVEN FORBID, you let them cry in their freakin' crib, then I guess you're part of my club.. the club of parents who are attached, and agree with those 8 principles and are comfortable enough to define them in the way that makes sense to their own family.

The point of this whole blog (if there is one?) is that I hate exclusive clubs.  I can't stand people who feel the need to define themselves as a certain type of person.  I can't stand judgmental moms who like to shove their beliefs in others' faces and try to convince them that their way is the best way and only way that baby will be nourished to their full potential.  I don't label myself.  I just do the best I can.  At times that means I wear Cora, and at times that means she's in the stroller.  Sometimes she sits on my lap, and sometimes I beg anyone around to take her.  I nursed/pumped for 8ish months, and I also supplemented with formula from early on and had to exclusively formula feed after the pumping.  I used to sleep with Cora in my bed a lot, and then I put her in her crib and let her cry it out.  And I loved the results it yielded.  I don't let Cora drink juice regularly, but sometimes I let her eat a cookie or ice cream.  I made her baby food, but sometimes I fed her from a jar.  I bathe her, I dress her, I change her diapers... but most importantly?  I love her.  I love her more than life itself and would do anything for her.  And you know what?  Dr. Sears, or anyone who is a member of "attachment parenting international" isn't going to tell me I'm not an attached parent practicing those 8 principles.  Because I am.  I'm practicing them in my own damn way.  And if you don't like it or agree, I don't really care.  Because I do what I want to do and I don't need to put myself in a type or class or defined group.  You know what group I'm in?  I'm in the group who loves their baby, is exhausted, is stressed, is happy, is scared, is worn out, and is trying to do the best job they can.  I'm a mom - an attached mom - and no one can tell me any different.