laundry, hair cuts and tears - oh my!

I actually miss doing laundry.  I know, crazy - right?  But when you no longer have the option to just run downstairs to your basement and throw a load in, you begin to miss it.  In all of my "adult-out-of-the-house" years, I've only had access to free laundry (in my own home) for one of those years.  Yes, that equals about 8 years of laundry mat/coin paying/dragging of clothes.  Sucks.  Last year we were fortunate enough to be in an apartment with free laundry in the basement.  Coincidentally, it was also also the first year of Cora's life.  Super handy, right?  I was able to wash bibs, onesies, crib sheets, face cloths and poopy diapers on demand.  Maybe to you this doesn't sound like fun, but to me, a new mom at home, it was enjoyable because it made my life easier.

Now we live in an apartment building and we have to pay for laundry again.  It is located nearby (just one floor down), but we still have to pay.  Also, one floor seems close until you have a toddler, and then any distance in which you are trying to reel both your child and a hamper of laundry in the same direction feels very far.  So basically, what am I saying?  I'm just complaining.  I'm venting.  I'm, I guess, sharing how lazy and poor I am.  I'm sharing how inconvenienced I am by walking down one flight of stairs to then pay to wash my clothes.  Sorry, but that's annoying.

Know what else is annoying?  Hair in your eyes.  And that was the driving force behind Cora's first haircut.  Wait - yes - you heard right, Cora got her first haircut.  Let me downplay this a little.  She got her bangs cut.  By me.  I tried to cut them on Thursday night, but chickened out.  No, I wasn't scared to actually cut her hair.  I was emotionally torn.  I (crazily?) felt like I was robbing Cora of her baby-ness, of her innocence.  I told you I was crazy.  Then, Friday night arrived.  I thought more about it, about how she always has to wear a little pony tail to keep her hair out of her eyes, and yes, I focused in on how her hair is always in her face.. just hanging there...blocking her view. Always.  Sometimes she drags her hair back off her face, but mostly she just walks around with it in her face.  And that's not really fair, right?  So what'd I do?  I sat down on the floor with her, pulled her hair out off her face and snipped.  Then?  Well, then I cried.  I cried because I felt like I was facing the fact that she's not really a "baby" anymore.  I cried because I semi-regretted cutting it.  I cried because I barely recognized her.  Her features changed with the bangs and she looked like a little girl.  And I also cried out of guilt.  Guilty about cutting her precious, beautiful hair.  Guilty over cutting off the hair that started growing in when she was weeks old.  Was it even potentially the hair she was born with?  So what'd I do? I kept it.  I put the inch of hair in a ziplock bag (I know, I'm classy.  Classy and crazy).  I plan on doing something a bit more special with it... a friend of mine mentioned a glass jar.  But for now, it sits in a ziplock bag magnetized to the fridge.  And now?  Now I'm kinda used to her bangs.  It's day 2 after the cut and I've calmed down.  I can still put a bow in her hair and even a pony tail if I want to.  And now, her hair isn't in her eyes.  She can actually see clearly when she's barging through the room throwing toys around.  And finally, I've stopped crying.  I mourn the loss of her baby-ness, but I welcome her toddler-hood. Kind of.  For now, I'm holding onto the fact that she sorta looks exactly how my sister did when she was little.  And in some crazy way, that's comforting.  I'm also holding on to the fact that now I can see her gorgeous little face without a pony tail on top her head.  For now, I'm not crying.  We'll see how long that lasts.